I realized today that it has been almost 6 months since I last wrote a post. I was a little surprised, but then I have been busy for pretty much the last year. Figuring out how to be a single mom, going back to work, trying to decide what I want to do with our lives (cuz, really, nothing I do just affects me anymore, you know?), discovering how different my boys' personalities are and rediscovering myself and my confidence. I won't lie, the last year has been hard...harder than I ever imagined. I admit, there were times when I felt like giving up...when I felt like I wasn't strong enough, when I felt like I wasn't a good mom and I would never be good enough. Whenever that self-doubt reared its ugly head, there was always someone there, friend or family (which, to me, is the same thing), to let me know that I am loved, that I am a good mother and that I am strong enough to take whatever life throws at me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that things had to happen the way they did to light a fire in me again. I went from being who I thought my parents wanted me to be, to who I thought my friends wanted me to be, to who I thought my husband wanted me to be, to who I thought my in-law's wanted me to be. I never stopped trying to live up to who, I thought, everyone else wanted me to be long enough to find out who I wanted me to be. I have spent a lot of the last year trying to find that out, so here goes.
I want to be happy.
I want to laugh...a lot.
I want to say what I'm thinking no matter who's around to hear it.
I want to be the kind of mom who builds forts, allows ice cream for breakfast and goes to see the same movie over and over again because my kids love it.
I want to be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, granddaughter and friend.
I want to be outgoing enough to not miss out on opportunities to make new friends.
I want to have a relationship with God that is just between me and Him.
I want to raise my boys to LOVE and RESPECT everyone EQUALLY.
Most of all, I want to express my gratitude often to the people I care about.
To my family: My parents, my 3 sisters, my brother, my nieces, my nephew, I love you all more than I can ever express. We have all pulled together to support each other this last year and I couldn't imagine a better family for me. "You are superb."
To my long-time friends: Thank you for being there for me and putting up with me for so long. You know who you are and, hopefully, what you mean to me.
To my new friends: You have no idea what you've gotten yourselves into, lol. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives and for being a part of mine.
To my wonderful boys: I love you more than anything in my entire life. I'm so grateful that you both are in my world. You are what I live for and what gives me strength.
Now that I've embarrassed myself and everyone else (;D) by being all mushy, I'll leave you with one quote that sums up how I want to live the rest of my life.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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| I just want to be me. |
