Blech!

So, this pregnancy is going to be a lot harder than Harley's. I just found out that I can't wear my favorite perfume because it makes me nauseous. Not to mention, that I am soooooooooooo tired, feel sick all the time instead of just in the morning and have cravings constantly! Ugh! Also, I'm not craving fruit like I did last time. I am craving candy, meat, ice cream and strangely, ramen. Basically, I feel sick, tired, cravings and a lot of pain...blech!
So, today everybody talked to Blake. He sounds really good. He has an accent, which I think is funny. But he sounds like he really loves it out there. I didn't talk to him, just listened.
Also, today, we pretty much did nothing but watch Avatar and the boys played games. So...nothing.
My sister gave me a necklace from Lia Sophia which she got on Ebay for a screamin good deal, lol. I am ecstatic. I love Lia Sophia jewelry. It's so beautiful.
Ok...this is really random and spacey, so I'm going to go finish my rocky road.

Me sitting in Mike & Vicky's window sill while everyone talks to Blake.

Ok, so Santa must be running out of ideas, because he gave us the same present he gave Jeff, Becca and Clark. Yep, that's right, we're having another baby! Yay! Definitely not planned, but soooooo welcome! We were a little nervous at first, but now we're super excited and can't wait! I'm a lot more excited about it than I thought I would be. And, despite what I've been saying for years, I think I really would like a little girl. Especially a little girl with curly, bright red hair like the twins. Ahhh, to dream. Ok, I am really off to dream since it is Christmas Eve...technically Christmas, but who's caring at this hour? Ok, good night and Merry Christmas to all! I hope we can all appreciate our gifts and the people who put so much thought and consideration into giving them.

Everything did not go according to plan...

The Plan:
Get up at 7 and take husband to work. Be to sister's by 9:30 to babysit. Pick up brother at 1:45 from school. Take niece to Toys 'R' Us. Go back to sister's. Sister supposed to leave work by 2, go up to Salt Lake, be back by 4. Wait for sister come home by 4. Go home and finish making some christmas presents with Vicky. Hang out with husband and baby. Go to bed.

What really happened:
Got up at 7:45 and took husband to work. Half an hour late. Got to sister's by about 10 to baby sit. Picked brother up at 1:15 because he was wrong. Took brother and his friend home in very squished car. Went to Toys for longer than expected. Couldn't find keys. Realized keys were in Nephew's car seat. Got to the front of the store and saw that it had started snowing. Remembered something about a big storm coming today. Started driving home. Light snow turned into huge blizzard. Drove through a blizzard where the next street light was invisible. Almost home when other niece calls for a ride from the general area of where we had just been. Start attempt to pick niece up. Realize that the care will go off the road if I try to make it there. Tell niece to take the bus. Barely make it home and have to run babies into the house because it is snowing like angels peeing snowflakes. Get call at 3:30 that Sister and her husband are half an hour's worth of blizzard and traffic away from their Salt Lake destination. Try, unsuccessfully, to keep Nephew happy. Nephew screams for eternity. Get call from photographer that the family pictures are done but are only available for pickup for 15 more minutes. Sister, her husband and other niece get home at 7:05. Say hi to sister and run out the door with baby in tow. Race (sort of) to photo place to pick up photos. Go home. Mother-in-law attempting to get on the phone with insurance company to settle small matter of 4 inches of water in the basement of her rental property. Go downstairs to my room and hang out with husband and baby for an hour before going back upstairs so he can make dinner and I can finish Christmas presents. Get done with most of the Christmas presents by 1 am. Surf the net and write this silly blog until 1:50 am. Completely wiped. Bedtime.

Goals

So, I have decided, after a long conversation with Vicky, that I am going to make goals before the new year so that, hopefully, I will actually achieve them. There are a lot of things that I want to work on, not just as an individual, but as a wife and mom. Here goes: (not in order of priority, just whichever pops into my head first)
1. Manage my time so that I can get everything done during the day that I needed to
2. Juggle my "To do's" and my son so that neither gets neglected
3. Get organized so that my home and my head will be uncluttered
4. Plan efficiently so that I am prepared throughout the week
5. (along with #4) Make weekly menus so that I am not scrambling to find something for dinner
6. Make a budget and stick to it, so that we're always prepared for the unexpected
7. Have patience and understanding for my husband and my son
8. Not worry over the things I have no control of
9. Make healthy food choices so that I can teach my son to make them
10. Find things to do that take more skill and intelligence than pushing a button
11. Balance the family time with the "Me" time
12. Think about and discuss options before coming to a decision

Ok, that's all for now. There are a lot more things that I want to do. Some of these things seem like no brainer's. But it's a lot harder than one would think. Sometimes I wish I could add more memory to my brain instead of just my computer. Like an external hard drive that I can just plug into and remember everything I needed and wanted to do. It's hard enough to figure out how to be a wife and how to live with someone else and share all the decision making without trying to figure out how to be a mom at the same time. Sometimes I think I'm failing at it...but then I realize that my son, my husband and I are happy and healthy and I have some time yet, to figure out how to do everything. I don't need to know now, and learning is half the fun.

Frustrating

So I've been having some pretty strong feelings about something, but I don't see how it's supposed to work out. Like, you know you're supposed to get from point A to point B, but there isn't a clear path to get there. It's extremely frustrating. I've been praying about it, but I think my inbox is too full of junk mail to accept the answer. I know, I'm interesting.

Supercalafrajalisticexpealadocious

And I never thought I'd get to use that word in real life :D (I don't care if anyone thinks it's spelled wrong, it's my way.)
So, between my almost 7 month old, finishing my cookbook and reading the twilight series again (I'm on Eclipse) I have no time to do anything else. It's really quite frustrating. However, I am determined to get this cookbook finished. I have already been working on it for...over a year and I really don't want to be working on it a year from now. It should be done soon, I just really want to get some more family recipes in there...hint hint.

Harley is finally up on his hands and knees and is crawling around like you wouldn't believe. He is so fast! He also really wants to eat grown-up food. He is always trying to steal my sandwich or cereal, whatever I happen to be eating at the moment. He mostly likes to chew on remotes, one of the things his daddy tries to keep away from him the most. lol. Figures, the kid's a little gadget monster. He likes the tv, gaming controllers, laptops, cell phones...the list is almost endless. I can't wait until he's walking around, but at the same time I know he's going to be on a leash until he's 6. lol. I used to not like the idea of a leash, but I'm growing quite fond of it as I see screaming children running for their lives in the mall or store while their parents are screaming and running after them. lol. Not something I'm looking forward to. But he is the cutest little guy in the world. His big, toothless grin and his ability to burp and/or fart at the most silent moment in any movie...ahh, boys.
I'm not exactly looking forward to Christmas this year. I love Christmas. I'ts my favorite holiday. I just wish things weren't so tight. But it's like that everywhere, so it's not like we're getting picked on or anything. Everyone's hurting. It really sucks. But, it makes you more grateful for the things you do have. And I really am grateful. Grateful for my family, my new family, my friends (the little I have), my beautiful baby boy, my amazing husband and for the health of all those mentioned. I am so grateful for my little brothers-in-law and for the laughter they bring and the sweetness (when they're not yelling at each other ;D). I am also grateful for my sister and her family, and my baby brother who have kept me somewhat sane and comforted during the hard times and who have given us a place to go when we needed to relax and wind down. I am most grateful for my husband who does what he can to brighten my day no matter how horrible his has been. He is an amazing man and I hope that I do the same for him. He is a great husband and an even better father. I really believe that he is my soul mate and I love him more than anything in the world.

Does it matter?

opinions

Ok, I need anyone who reads this to tell me what they think the top 10 love songs of all time are. If you are a nerd, like me, and have more that you like, I would love them. It's for a new project I'm working on. Thanks!

Twilight

So, we saw Twilight at 12:27 am on Friday morning. It was great. I really loved it. There were some scenes from the book that should have been in the movie. But there will never be a movie that follows the book perfectly and to the liking of every fan. Take the Harry Potter movies, for example. They left out a lot of really great scenes from the books, but they are still good movies. Twilight also probably did not have the budget it should have had. Some of the fan reviews I have been reading are pretty ridiculous. I mean, some of these people are getting irritated by the fact that Jacob's hair wasn't in a pony tail. Come on, get real and get a life! The whole movie did not depend on whether or not Jacob felt like putting his hair in a pony tail! However, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Mine is that the movie was great.
New topic
At this moment I am watching The King and I, one of my favorite movies of all time. I wish they still made movies like these. I love the line, "I make mistake. British not scientific enough for chopsticks." -Yul Brenner. He was fantastic in that role. I love his obsession with Moses and et cetera. lol. It's funny. I also love Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Wizard of Oz, Fiddler on the Roof. Movies like that. Classics. I love the way people used to talk and the way they used to dress. It's just not like that anymore. As much as I love my jeans, I would have loved to wear big, hoop skirts and elegant gowns to fancy balls, and masquerades. Ahh...It would have been fun.

Excitement

So, we went and saw Quantum of Solace last night. Fantastic movie. I was ecstatic that for once he didn't have sex with the bond girl...but he did with another girl. For the love, but whatever.
Tomorrow we are going to the Christmas Expo up in Sandy at the Expo center. I am so excited! I've been waiting since the expo last year! We got some of the coolest stuff there. Some of the people who have booths only go to the expo. They don't sell their stuff anywhere else. It's awesome and I can't wait to go! This year we'll have Harley, so that will be interesting, but at least we'll have a stroller to cart things around in. It should be fun.
Next week, is the big week! Twilight comes out at 12:01 am Friday the 21st! Of course, our tickets are for 12:27, I believe. But I'm not complaining. I'm excited to go. They are some of my favorite books and I hope they did the movie right.
I'm not feeling too hot today, so I am sitting here watching the series finale of MASH, because I am a MASH nerd, and eating BBQ chips because my philosophy is that if I'm going to throw up, I might as well throw up something that I enjoyed going down. :D
I'm excited for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm excited for Christmas because I love pumpkin pie and homemade rolls and...STUFFING! Oh, my gosh do I love stuffing! It's amazing. I just love hanging out with family and friends. As for Christmas, I just love it. The presents really aren't important to me. I love the tree, the smell, the music, the snow, the decorating. I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. It's a lot of fun for me to try and figure out what somebody really wants or what would make them happy. I love to give people things. I especially love it when it's something unique and/or personal. I love Christmas.
I'm also really happy that we're going to be with Jared's family for Christmas this year. It's just a challenge on what to get the kids. I want to get them things that they will actually be able to use. Not things that they'll play with a few times and then forget about...I don't know. I'll figure something out.

Argh!

I hate it when people tell me I'm being cute when I'm doing something that is not cute. It's condescending and rude. Especially when the person is only 1-3 years older than me. Argh!

Tired

I love living here with my in-laws, I really do. Being able to hang out with the kids all the time and cook, shop, etc with Vicky is so much fun and I love it. I mean, I love being able to run up a couple flights of stairs, plop on Vicky's bed and just talk to her about anything. And I mean, ANYTHING. But I really miss having my own home and our big screen and being able to take a shower whenever I want without worrying about who might walk in at any given moment, lol. That's always fun. I want to be able to walk around naked whenever I want. I also want to be able to have wild sex in the kitchen, with my husband, in the middle of the day on a Sunday. I know no one wants to know that, but this is my blog and I don't care. Anyway, I don't think we'll be moving out before Christmas. But that's cool, because then we can have it here with Jared's family this year. That will be a lot of fun.
I also want to stop making things more difficult for Vicky. No matter what she says, I know it's hard having another whole family living with you and trying to figure out how to not step on each other's toes. I don't even have words to describe how happy, and grateful, I am that she let us come here without any notice whatsoever. She is truly an amazing woman and I admire her so much. I try to do what I can to make things easier for her, but I always seem to fall short.
I'm just so tired. One minute I will be super focused and in the middle of a project, and the next I'll be...tired and unmotivated. One minute I'm awake and hyper and no one can keep up with me, the next I'm uninterested and can hardly hold my head up. I can hardly focus on half of what people are saying, I have a hard time finishing my thoughts, let alone sentences. The only thing I can remember to do is bathe, dress, change and feed Harley. Make sure he's ok and taken care of. Nothing else seems to matter. It's really frustrating. I can keep my focus most of the time when Jared's talking to me, but most people can't hold my attention. I don't know what to do. Nothing gets done and I don't have patience to do it in the first place. I just need a sign of what I'm supposed to do and what direction I'm supposed to go in.

Sister's Birthday

Last night, well all day really, was my sister's 29th birthday. lol. She's 9 years older than me...na na na na na na! I made Chicken Enchiladas and Coffee Cake and went over to her house to eat, drink and be merry. After dinner, we disappeared the young ones and watched The Boondock Saints. Oh. My. Gosh. It was an amazing movie! I want it so bad! If I can find it somewhere I'm going to buy it and watch it forever. lol. It really was an awesome movie. But I was glad we got to spend time with my sister on her birthday. It was a lot of fun.
The night before, Halloween, was awesome, too. We had a party here, went trick-or-treating, hung out and then went to Katie and Dave's to watch movies and do...other things. :D We watched 88 Minutes with Al Pacino...great movie! I didn't see the ending coming. I guessed at what it might be but was totally wrong! It was fun. I like having my sister close by. It's a lot of fun. I love getting to play with my nieces and nephew and seeing my son and my nephew together. Last night they had a moment when they locked eyes and were talking to each other. I know they understood each other completely. It was really amazing.
The Christmas Expo is in a couple weeks up in Sandy. I want to go all 3 days, but I don't think we'll be able to. Jared works on Friday so we may only be able to go Saturday and Sunday. It's ok, though because Sunday is so much less crowded than Saturday. But I would rather do both.
We're finally getting family pictures done at the end of this month. I'm excited. I'll be able to send out pictures to all my family. I can't wait! Ok, I'm going to try and borrow Boondock Saints from my sister.

Halloween Night

So, Vicky and I spent all of Halloween day running around and getting things ready and we still didn't get everything done that we wanted to. But, whatever.
We dressed Harley as a pumpkin and he was so adorable! He fell asleep while we were waiting to go trick-or-treating. It was cute. We didn't get any pictures of him, Jared and me, but we did get pictures of each of us almost individually. lol. Katie and her family came over for the Halloween party. Katie was a flapper, Dave and Ciara were gangsters, Brooke was a gothic fairy and Davidson was a lion. I don't think we even got any pictures of Harley and Davidson in their costumes. Oh well. It has been an extremely long night. And we're about to leave this madhouse and go to Katie and Dave's to watch movies and hang out and such.
I quoted the movie, Bobby, today, "Somewhere, between our stuff and our things, is us." It is so appropriate right now. We have had to box up a lot of "our stuff and our things" and have learned that we don't really need all the things we have. We don't really need all the things we want. We just need our little family and a roof over our heads. The rest doesn't really matter.

Halloween, ugh!

I am trying to find some spiral curlers. I want my hair in super spiraly curls for Halloween. I can't use a curling iron because my hair is super rebellious and basically says, "Ha! I dare you to use a curling iron and hair spray!" lol, and the only time it has ever worked was for my last prom, I went to Dallas Roberts and got it curled and she used the kind of heavy duty hair spray that you see in the movei Hairspray. And man, did she use a ton of it. But it worked and it looked fabulous! But, alas, I do not feeleth like do it...ith. lol. Ok, if anyone reads this and has any suggestions, let me know!

seriously

Today I really am controlling my insanity...but I don't know how much longer I can do that before the inevitable break down.

TGIF

So, I am so completely ecstatic that it is Friday! I finally have time to clean my room and get it organized. It is so hard babysitting my 3 1/2 month old nephew and my 11 year old niece along with my own son. It is even harder to do all that and then come home and try to do the housewifish stuff I need to do. Ugh! Just...ugh!
Not to mention the fact that between my husband and myself, we own so much apparel that we can fill a HUGE, and I mean HUGE, 6 drawer dresser, another pretty good-sized 5 drawer dresser and almost a whole walk-in-closet. Pretty sick, huh? We have to go through and DI a bunch of stuff and it really kills me to do it. I finally gave my niece a shirt she has been begging me to give her for about 4 years now. I have finally stopped being in denial about the fact that it is never going to fit me again. She was ECSTATIC, like bouncing off the walls. Well, she's little, so more like pinging off the walls. ;) She's cute, I love her. On top of our sickening mountain of clothing...is our son's. Yes, our 5 1/2 month old has a revolting amount of clothing. His little dresser is full and he still has about 2 medium laundry baskets full. Sick, eh? Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous. I have to go through his stuff, too, and find out what fits him and what doesn't and box up the what doesn't for future, yes FUTURE, children. NOT now children, but FUTURE children. Ok? Get it? Got it? Good!
Anyway, so all of the kids are gone. Lydia is at Jayden's house, the twins and Ian are at the sand dunes and Conor is in Vegas. So...that means Vicky, Jared and I (and of course, Harley) went out! Yeah! We went and ordered 2 appetizers and salad and our dinners and of course the bread that comes with every meal at pretty much every restaurant these days. Woah, are we full! I feel like a pig, though, because Jared and Vicky feel ultra over-full and I feel fine. I guess my stomach is just used to eating giant-sized meals...sad :( But it was really good. I told Vicky afterwards that I didn't know whether I should feel proud or ashamed that I polished off my whole meal on top of the salad and appetizers. Not to mention...3 Diet Cokes...wow, I am a pig! Oh, well. It makes up for the past 3 weeks of forgetting to eat lunch while babysitting at my sister's. Sometimes I forget just lunch, sometimes lunch and breakfast, sometimes I don't realize I haven't eaten all day until 11:30 at night. I just have so much going through my brain all the time that I forget about the fact that my stomach is growling. And the last thing I need is to put a reminder in my phone to eat! Man, that would be the winner in the "Most Pathetic Person" category.
So, I hate family tensions and fights. The last month has been hell. It's been really nice to be at Vicky's, though. As much as the kids can sometimes annoy me, they don't really. It's only the "mom, he's touching me!" stuff that we ALL did as a kid that gets on my nerves and then I try to remember that I was way more obnoxious as a kid. Moi? Yeah, me. lol. I found a picture today with some of my family members in it one Christmas when I was about 5 or so. It had my family, my Auntie's family, my mom's mom and step-dad and her dad and step-mom all in it together for Christmas. I just looked at it and longed for the days when we were a real family. My heart just aches thinking about how this Thanksgiving and Christmas will be, my heart feels like a piece is missing and I just can't stop the tears. For those of you who don't understand, I'm sorry but it's private. For those of you who do, no worries, I'll be fine.

Great blog, yeah? It has everything! You laugh, you get shocked, you think, you cry! It's amazing!

Grr...

I'm irritated and I do NOT want to talk about it other than to say I'm irritated.

Ahh...the weekend

On Friday night I had dinner at my Katie's house. She got a new job a couple weeks ago and my niece wanted to make dinner for her so we made my fabulous lasagna and had everything ready by the time she got home. She was ecstatic and we had a great time. Jared, Joel and Dave went to see Max Payne on Friday night so it was just us girls with Zach. After dinner, we cleared out the kitchen and Zach taught us the cha cha. We're thinking we're going to try to get together maybe every Friday night for dinner and dance lessons. I've been wanting to learn to dance. And now I can for free. : ) It should be fun.
So, as seen on Vicky's facebook, we had a girl's day out on Saturday to go dress shopping. It was a lot of fun! When Lydia finally got to try on a little flower girl dress, she wanted her picture taken and to stand up on the block like everyone else. She also had me hold up the back of her dress like a bustle and had Vicky take a picture. She had seen the girl do a bustle for my dress and wanted to do that, too. It was sooo cute! After dress shopping, Vicky, Aubrie and I went to see Errand of Angels with Lynne and Paige Bronson. (Monica had to work : ( ) It was a fantastic movie! I didn't think I would like it, but I really did! It had some really great messages.
Sunday was uneventful. We went to The Villa Restaurant down in Provo at the bottom of State hill. Oh. My. Gosh! They have fantastic food. If you ever go, I recommend the Torta Jalisco or the Beef Burrito. They are both fantastic! We had family dinner with James and Monica. I'm trying to make it so that we have a really good family dinner every Sunday because I like to hang out with the family on a day that hasn't been stressful. That day just happens to be Sunday.
Now that I've written down that lovely accounting of my weekend, I have got to go to bed. Ahh, sleep!

OMG!

So...we're sitting here on our bed with Harley watching MASH. Naturally, since it's bedtime, I am wearing appropriate bedtime attire that happens to expose a lot of the top front area. Well, Jared sits Harley up because he's being fussy and, wouldn't you know it, the budding pervert starts looking at my chest and grinning the biggest grin I have ever seen from him. Jared and I started laughing like you wouldn't believe. It was the funniest thing!

Hmpf!

So...you ever feel left out of situations? Where you want to fit in and be like everyone else and you just feel like you can't? I feel like that a lot lately. I can't really say a lot about the situation because I don't want to say who I'm talking about. But I just feel like I can't be myself around these certain people and I feel like they don't really want me to be around because I am not like them. I really want to just jump in with their excitement and just have fun with them but I feel like I'm not wanted. I know that part of it is my own self-consciousness. I don't know...I just feel really out of place and I don't know how to change that.

1 part Rant, 2 parts inspired, 3 parts RANDOM

I cannot believe how expensive baby stuff is! Holy crap! Formula, diapers, wipes, baby food...and that's just the basic stuff. After that, there's onesies and burp cloths and blankets and cute outfits and toys. Binkies, carseats, strollers, diaper bags, bath stuff, walkers, bouncers, playpens, baby gates, outlet covers, crib bedding, mobiles, crib toys, baby monitors...man, babies are just flippin expensive! Harley's finally grown out of almost all of his clothes and he needs church clothes. But, of course, one church outfit costs $20 and you still have to get socks and shoes. I just can't believe it. I mean, I knew babies were expensive, but it's just downright ridiculous! Not to mention the fact that there are always more girl clothes than boy clothes so to even find something cute is near impossible! End tangent 1.

I've been watching a lot of movies based on the 60's and 70's and have decided that, given my taste in clothing sometimes, I was supposed to be born in the 50's so I could experience the 60's and 70's. I am a total flower child/hippie. I think that bell bottoms should totally come back into popularity. And it seems as though that might happen. In my opinion, if they're bringing back the 80's fashion trends (somebody gag me) they can certainly bring back the 60's and 70's.

Ok, so my brain is constantly going in a bazillion different directions. I have about 8 projects in my head that I want to start. But I can't settle down long enough to start any of them. For instance, it is taking all my will power to concentrate on this blog. I am watching MASH, looking up disney cruise lines, thinking about Christmas, wondering what we'll do for Thanksgiving, trying to figure out what I am going to dress up as for Halloween and looking up recipes for my never ending cookbook. This blog in and of itself is a prime example of my brain. Scary, isn't it? I just feel like I'm going and going and never getting anywhere.

The last thing I'll say is the inspired part.
So...while I was looking on craigslist the other day I found this print for sale called "The Bride" by James Christensen. Oh, my gosh! I just love it! So I looked online for James Christensen and I just love his stuff! It's just so unique! But I especially love "The Bride" it's just beautiful. I also just adore Greg Olsen. His picture, "Precious in His Sight", is just amazing. I also love "Be Not Afraid" and "Mother's Love". This kind of artwork just inspires me and makes me feel warm and happy.
I just found a picture called "Lost and Found" that almost made me start crying. It's a picture of a man in a leather jacket sitting on a bench with his duffel bag on the ground next to him and Jesus is sitting on the bench next to him talking. I can completely see myself as the one sitting on the bench talking with Jesus. I've been the one lost for a long time and I feel like I am finally letting myself be found.
www.gregolsengallery.com
www.jameschristensen.com

Interesting...

So, after a series of unfortunate events, my little family and I have moved into Vicky's house and she has very graciously let us. So, as you can imagine, most of our things are in her garage at the moment. The morning after we moved in I had to go into the garage to find clean clothes. I had to go in through the car garage door and climb my way through our various belongings to get to my dresser. Vicky was already in there getting things out for one of her old cleaners. We had been talking and laughing as we were both looking for things. All of a sudden, I noticed that Vicky was no longer in the garage and the garage door was shutting. So, with everything right up against the door, I was stuck. For quite a few moments I seriously considered yelling, "Help! Help! I'm stuck!" However, thankfully, some sort of contraption a few things in front of me moved and I was able to escape the maze of my things. I walked in the house and asked Lydia where Vicky was, luckily she was in the bathroom so I had her cornered. I yelled through the door, "Vicky, you totally suck!" she asked me why and I informed her that she locked me in the garage. She burst out laughing and said, "You were still in there!?" It was hilarious and I had to share.

There have been a lot of funny experiences in the last week since we have moved in. Just the other night, Lydia was sitting on my bed with me playing with Harley. She looked over at me and asked, "Dani, when are you going to born another baby?" It was so cute! I explained to her that Harley is more than enough for right now. She is the cutest little girl!

I can't imagine having anymore kids anytime soon. I babysit my niece and nephew everyday for my sister. My niece is ok because she's almost 11 and pretty self-sufficient. Not to mention one of the smartest people I know. Not one of the smartest kids I know, one of the smartest people, period. However, my nephew is just 2 months younger than Harley, so they get hungry at the same time, which means if I don't feed them right away they scream at the same time, too. I love my little nephew, he is the cutest little guy, after mine of course. I look kind of like my sister, so my nephew gets a little confused at first, but after a while he realizes I'm not his mommy. lol. That's fun. He does say, "Mom" now, though. He says it and then looks questioningly at me, as if to say, "Where is she?" I swear he knows what's going on most of the time. Harley does, too. Sometimes, when my nephew is screaming, Harley will just stare at him like, "Dude, what's your problem?" And then he'll look at me like, "He is so weird." lol. They are so cute together and when we lay them next to each other, they will sometimes hold hands. It's really cute. Ok, I am really tired so I will end here. Good Night!

Sealed

So...after talking to our new bishop last week and having a conversation ourselves, we are excited to say we are planning on getting sealed next summer! I am so excited. I can't believe we have reached a point in our lives where we can make that goal and be serious about it. We really adore our new bishop. He is an amazing man who is understanding and non-judgemental. Like a bishop should be. I was able to get something off my chest that has been hanging over me for several years. And now I feel like, together, Jared and I can achieve anything. Except maybe to figure out which temple. lol. I am just so excited about the whole thing and it makes me even more excited for conference. I am almost feeling like I just got baptized. lol. I just feel like now, we are finally on the right path and it makes me feel so...I don't even know. I know you're reading this thinking, wow, choose decaf next time. lol. But I just feel so excited. I can't describe the feeling, but I know everyone understands. I am just so excited that I will be sealed to my husband and my son for time and all eternity.

Wishing

So, looking at all the ways I can help the Breast Cancer Research has made me wish more than anything that I had gotten to know my Grandma Forciea and my Auntie Deby better. I was only a couple years old when my grandma died, if that. My grandma, Rosemarie, was a strong German woman who loved her family and would do anything to protect them. She was so strong that even though she had breast cancer in both breasts and underwent a double mastectomy, she didn't die from it.
My Auntie Deby was a very, very good friend of my mom's for a long time. I remember being 7 or 8 years old and talking to her on the phone; she lived in California. She would always tell me that she was going to have my mom pack my bags and send me on a plane to visit her. I wish my mom had. Deby had had the cancer for a while and was getting too sick to take care of herself and her family couldn't do it. Though I remember she didn't have much family. Anyway, she had gotten so sick that my mom had insisted she move to Utah to live with us so my mom could take care of her. My parents decided to go see her before her big move out here. They were supposed to leave later in the week or weekend, but on Tuesday night I told my mom that I had a feeling she should go that night. She said that they were leaving later in the week and that a few days wouldn't make a difference. I told her again and again that they needed to leave that night. They didn't. Around 11 that night, my mom got a call that Deby had passed earlier that evening. It was a hard thing to deal with. Especially for my mom, knowing she had been so close to seeing Deby.
I know is that I didn't get that feeling by accident. I know that Heavenly Father was trying to send us a message. I've always known that everything happens for a reason and we don't always understand at the time. In the last few weeks it has become quite clear to me that Heavenly Father is looking out for us and is always watching and guiding us. He listens to us and answers our prayers no matter what. Although his answers may not be what we hope for, and sometimes they even make us angry, we have to trust that he knows what's best for us and that he will always take care of us and point us in the right direction.
I've just had some time to think about my life and I have realized just how much Heavenly Father has taken care of me, my family and my friends. I feel so grateful and so blessed to have been raised in the Church. To know that after we leave this world, we will see our family and friends again. Which is how I am going to tie this rant into the beginning of my post. I am so grateful to know that I will see my grandma and my aunt again. That they are in a better place where they can be taught the gospel and, hopefully, accept it.
I am so grateful and so proud to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I hope every member of the Church is as proud and grateful as I am.

Awesomeness

First off, yes Monica, awesomeness is a word ;)
Anyway, to the point. Jared and I went to visit with our new Bishop yesterday and it went really well. I was able to get some things off my chest which chased away the little black cloud that's been hanging over me for quite a few years. We figured out a few things with our bishop and I feel a lot better today. Things are going to be ok.

...interesting

I took that color quiz and the results were...interesting. A lot of it's true. Some of it's like, "where did they get that from?" Lol. Everyone should take it. Pretty insightful...for the most part.

Dani took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be recogn..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Tired

I am sooooooooooo tired! I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. But who does get enough sleep?
Anyway, I am really excited for next Spring/Summer to get here because my awesome Uncle George and his wife are supposed to be coming for a visit and I haven't seen my auntie in about 3 years or so. My uncle came out for the wedding, but it's always too long in between visits, no matter what.
Not to mention that by next summer, Mike and Blake will be back. Yay! Excitingness. (Yes, that is a word.) It'll be cool to see Blake after 2 years. Wow, I can't even believe that it's been 2 years already! It seems like just yesterday he was leaving and we were getting married, finding out we were having a baby and now Harley is 4 1/2 months old! Time really does just fly right by us. I think we all need to stop and take some time to look around every once in a while.

Best Husband Ever

Ok, so I have the best husband ever. He has basically moved us by himself. He has had help, but a lot of it has been done by him. I've been taking care of Harley and trying to get some of this mess cleaned up at my parents house. Which is a job in and of itself. However, Jared is my hero. He doesn't complain a lot and he doesn't get mad at me. He just does what he needs to do and I am so grateful that I found him and that he fell as much in love with me as I did with him. He is my most favorite person in the world as well as my best friend. He takes care of me. He spends his every last dime on me and our son. He makes sure that we are always taken care of. He makes sure we have clothes and food and a roof over our head no matter what. He is the best man I've ever met and I love him now more than ever

Ugh

I am so done moving. It just takes too long. There isn't enough room for all our stuff. I have no idea where we're going to put everything. And my mommy's still gone. I miss her. Especially because I think my son punched me in the eye while we were sleeping. Either that or I have an eye infection...but I'd rather think I got punched by a 4 month old. Anyway, I am tired and don't feel like writing anymore.

Drained

I am just completely drained. Completely. I am so tired and emotionally exhausted. I am just so done with the whole adult thing right now. Everyone I know is having financial problems. It's ridiculous. There should always be jobs. There should be a job for every single thing you can think of so everyone could have a job. There should be enough money to go around. Everyone should have enough money to put a roof over their head and feed and clothe their kids. They should have enough money to not have to worry about rent and bills and food and clothes and shampoo and cooking supplies and every other blessed thing under the sun. We should all have insurance. No matter what. No matter how many preexisting conditions we have, or how much money we make, or anything. NO MATTER WHAT! we shouldn't have to worry about whether or not some of us make just $100 over the income restrictions for WIC or Medicaid or Food Stamps. We shouldn't have to have those things. We should all be able to take care of ourselves. We shouldn't have to worry about whether or not we have the money to cover medical bills and dental bills and whatever other bills we have. We should be able to go see a damn doctor without having to figure out where we're going to take the money out of to pay for it. We should be able to go to the dentist to get a tooth fixed instead of just chewing on the other side. We should be able to go to the doctor for back pain instead of just sitting at home and hoping the pain will go away. We should be able to go pick up prescriptions without having to pay an arm and a leg for them. We should NOT have to worry about whether or not we will be able to send our kids to college or on a mission. We should NOT have to worry about whether or not we can afford gas this month. We should NOT have to worry about getting evicted because we can't pay the rent. We should not have to worry about a lot of things...but we do. Land of the free my ass.

So...today I am really tired. I had dreams about beating up our landlord's property manager. Why, you ask? Well, because the moron had her daughter break into our house to see if our stuff was out because she couldn't get a hold of us. Which is crap because Jared talks to her everyday almost. Not only that, but she did it in front of our neighbors who tell us every little thing that goes on whether we want to know or not. lol. She is an idiot. I think she's a tweaker, too. Oh well. We're moving out so we don't have to deal with it anymore.
Harley has finally discovered his feet. He likes to play with them constantly. But when I got him to put one in his mouth, he let it go and made a face like, "eww, that was salty." It was sooooooo funny! He is laying on the couch right now with Jared watching Jared play a video game. He is so cute! He likes to talk all the time. He discovered in the library the other day that his voice echoes. The librarians were not amused. But they can go pull the stick out. Babies make noise, if you can't handle it, bite me. Man, what would women of other times think of women today? lol. That would be funny.
Ok, enough babbling. I really have to stop procrastinating and get my little apartment organized before we bring the rest of our stuff over. Ugh, I hate cleaning and organizing. Well, not so much the organizing, more the cleaning to be able to get to the organizing. lol. Ok, I'm going for real.

Random

Ok, I just wrote this huge post and I don't know what happened, but now it's gone and I am very, very unhappy...