It's been a while...

I realized today that it has been almost 6 months since I last wrote a post. I was a little surprised, but then I have been busy for pretty much the last year. Figuring out how to be a single mom, going back to work, trying to decide what I want to do with our lives (cuz, really, nothing I do just affects me anymore, you know?), discovering how different my boys' personalities are and rediscovering myself and my confidence. I won't lie, the last year has been hard...harder than I ever imagined. I admit, there were times when I felt like giving up...when I felt like I wasn't strong enough, when I felt like I wasn't a good mom and I would never be good enough. Whenever that self-doubt reared its ugly head, there was always someone there, friend or family (which, to me, is the same thing), to let me know that I am loved, that I am a good mother and that I am strong enough to take whatever life throws at me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that things had to happen the way they did to light a fire in me again. I went from being who I thought my parents wanted me to be, to who I thought my friends wanted me to be, to who I thought my husband wanted me to be, to who I thought my in-law's wanted me to be. I never stopped trying to live up to who, I thought, everyone else wanted me to be long enough to find out who I wanted me to be. I have spent a lot of the last year trying to find that out, so here goes.

I want to be happy.

I want to laugh...a lot.

I want to say what I'm thinking no matter who's around to hear it.

I want to be the kind of mom who builds forts, allows ice cream for breakfast and goes to see the same movie over and over again because my kids love it.

I want to be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, granddaughter and friend.

I want to be outgoing enough to not miss out on opportunities to make new friends.

I want to have a relationship with God that is just between me and Him.

I want to raise my boys to LOVE and RESPECT everyone EQUALLY.

Most of all, I want to express my gratitude often to the people I care about.

To my family: My parents, my 3 sisters, my brother, my nieces, my nephew, I love you all more than I can ever express. We have all pulled together to support each other this last year and I couldn't imagine a better family for me. "You are superb."

To my long-time friends: Thank you for being there for me and putting up with me for so long. You know who you are and, hopefully, what you mean to me.

To my new friends: You have no idea what you've gotten yourselves into, lol. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives and for being a part of mine.

To my wonderful boys: I love you more than anything in my entire life. I'm so grateful that you both are in my world. You are what I live for and what gives me strength.

Now that I've embarrassed myself and everyone else (;D) by being all mushy, I'll leave you with one quote that sums up how I want to live the rest of my life.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

I just want to be me.

Loves

Cutest little munchkins ever!

My family

Hayden (2), Mommy (23) & Harley (3)
Forciea-Hopper Family
Sept 2011

 

 

My Grandparents

James & Rosemarie Forciea

 

 My grandma

My grandpa

 The whole family (minus grandma) at my Aunt Marie's first communion.

  Kinda blurry, but I love this photo of my Grandma Rosemarie.

Unlike most people, I did not know my dad's parents. They both died before I was born and when I went to Wisconsin last month, I was so happy to see these pictures because I had only ever seen one picture each of my grandparents. I'm not joking or exaggerating. I had never seen pictures of my grandparents or of my dad & his siblings when they were young. It may sound silly, but seeing these pictures brought tears of joy to my eyes. I saw features in my grandparents that I see in myself and my brother and sisters. I loved seeing them in their youth, happy and having fun. I will be overjoyed to meet them on the other side.

Mi familia

The wonderful Forciea Family

1990

As you can see, we've grown a bit

2011

My boys

 

 

 

 

 

My adorable 3 yr old

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My adorable 2 yr old (almost 2)

Lots of fun

This last week my family and I were in Wisconsin for my dad's family reunion. The last time the Forciea's had a reunion, I was almost 2 years old. Needless to say, it was long overdue. We had a beautiful 2 day drive to get there with 7 adults, 2 teenagers, 3 toddlers and 2 vehicles. Amazingly enough, the toddlers were very well behaved on the drive to and from Wisconsin. We play games, sang songs and had a really good time. We stayed in Wisconsin for 7 days ane got to see our whole family, minus a few. We went to the Public Library, which was way better than Orem's, to the Milwaukee Public Museum, which was AMAZING, and to the Milwaukee Zoo, which is such a great zoo! All the animals were walking around or playing and just generally in plain view for us to see. We got to see the house where my dad grew up (and where my Grandma & Grandpa Forciea lived until they died), and a few beaches. We were able to attend my cousin Jen's baby shower after going to an amazing beach. We spent a LOT of time with family. We went to a Brewer's game with my Uncles Sean & Ralph, my cousin Scott and my Aunt Marie (after which, we went to my Uncle Ralph's bar for a little while to visit with more family. Our zoo trip involved my cousin and her kids and another cousin and aunt. We were fed most of our meals by family members, who we later found out had had a family meeting before our arrival to make sure we never went without a meal (so sweet!). We did so much, it's hard to remember everything.

In short, our trip was amazing. I fell in love with Wisconsin and I now understand exactly why my dad wants to go back. My family is so amazing. They are kind, loving and so tolerant of others and their choices. They listen (if you can get them to stop talking for a few minutes) with open hearts and open minds. I would never feel judged around my family. It really makes me want to be around them more. I can't wait until I can see them all again.