Ponderings

I was looking on Facebook today, and I decided to look at the pictures on an old friend's page. I haven't spoken to her in years and she found me on Facebook. Anyway, I looked at her pictures and felt a little bit sad. Although I wouldn't give up my husband or my son (and my unborn son) for anything in the world, a part of me wonders what I would be like if I had stayed in Virginia. What my life would be turning out like. Would I have gone to college right after high school and be living in a dorm somewhere with new people or in an apartment with a bunch of friends? Or would I be like a lot of my friends and travel all over the world going to wild parties? It's just weird to look at my old friends, and some of my cousins, facebook pictures and see them traveling to New Zealand, Japan and France or graduating college with impressive degrees. Part of me longs to be like that. Longs to travel, to see the world with no responsibilities.
On the other hand, none of them know what it's like to see your child for the first time and know that you created that. None of them know what it's like to see your baby smile at you for the first time, or to see him take his first step and then figure out how to walk. None of them know what it's like to have a hard day and come home to this little person whose face just lights up at the very sight of you. I know what it's like to want nothing more than to just watch my baby boy sleep or play with his toys. Most of them also don't know how amazing it is to have a husband who loves and cares for you no matter what happens. Someone who loves the fact that you have full on conversations with yourself. Someone who will go out in public with you even if you look like a hippie. Having a baby, having a family, is so much more important and fulfilling than traveling the world or wasting my time with things that aren't going to matter a few years down the road. I am so grateful that I met Jared and that he wanted to marry me. I am so grateful that, despite all my mistakes, he still saw a good person in me and helped me to see it, too. I am so grateful that we had our son and that he is a happy, healthy little boy with a supersize personality. I am so grateful for our new little boy and can't wait to see what he is like. I love my husband, my son and my unborn baby. I wouldn't want my life any other way.